ballad of big nothing

2010 is a year of change. when i was in school i thought even if we start working, even as we transit from student-hood to work-hood, everything will kinda still stay the same. we will think the same, dress the same, talk the same, be the same– just that the things we do in the day would be different. why would things be different? we are intelligent, we know what we want out of the job, we know a job is just a job. we are intelligent and we are different from people and we are invincible.

i feel like so much had happened. people had come and gone, my patience had run out for some, im fighting to keep many. id found realised new things about myself (many deplorable and discouraging) and others (still, deplorable and discouraging). i need to bake for my livelihood even more now.

between the last post and now seems like forever. krabi and its beautiful sunset feels like lifetimes away. id literally been through an internship. id loved and hated and dreaded and regretted work. work makes people ugly. it makes people self-centered and go on and on and on about themselves and their work and how much work sucks. it becomes the go-to topic for every dreary dinner conversation. it is the reason why we hate and love. it defines when we sleep and when we wake up. it is the reason we buy clothes, or dont buy clothes. it is how you judge people. it gives banality a whole new meaning. you can fight with your life and deny this, but it is true: you are your work and youre only even resisting it because it is such a formidable force.

i am sick of work and ready to move on.

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