i have very mixed feelings about having crushes – the state of being irrational and truly retarded about someone who possibly does not really care about your existence. in a way its oh-so-invigorating knowing just sneaking a peek at someone can send you into hyperventilating spasms, and dingdingbingo and ohmyGodimustbedreaming-itis when you actually get to exchange afew lines with him. sharing the same room and breathing the same air is freaking luxurious and then theres MSN. torturous MSN time at night when looking forward to seeing That MSN Nick pop up online when you sign in, then wait with bated breath for That MSN Nick to come say hi (omg please just hi ! dont make me the one initiating conversation again !).
and then you realise he doesnt really care if youre online, probably doesnt know your nickname, and youre really just One of His Friends and whats your name again? I DONT GET IT, how is it possible for someone to think about another being so much but still have the latter not notice ? everyone should have some radar attached for the fronts of their heads telling how much they like one another, translate that physical attraction into some tangible and readable and please stop this mindgame rubbish cant we just come upfront and tell each other I LIKE YOU or I DONT LIKE YOU so we dont have to live our lives guessing what the other is thinking about.
veryvery tiring, this crushing thing.
im going to uninstall MSN)):