left bank parisians

these people are making me miss paris so much its almost painful

i remember we were walking up to strawberry swing

;courtney love by hedi slimane

i realised that my life now is beyond satisfactory; there’re too many things and people around me, or which had happened to me which i am so thankful for.  but because i had done nothing to earn these good things i started getting scared about these good things coming to an end, because so many good things right now must mean something bad is bound to happen in time to come.

i wish i can control my life, put a limit to the good things which are happening, stop being emotionally dependent so many things/people, because when too many of these good things happen i can almost feel them slipping away and that scares me shitless.

lolita, light of my life

beautiful, beautiful things. they might as well be the reason why the internet exists.

in time of daffodils(who know
the goal of living is to grow)
forgetting why,remember howin time of lilacs who proclaim
the aim of waking is to dream,
remember so(forgetting seem)

in time of roses(who amaze
our now and here with paradise)
forgetting if,remember yes

in time of all sweet things beyond
whatever mind may comprehend,
remember seek(forgetting find)

and in a mystery to be
(when time from time shall set us free)
forgetting me,remember me

;in time of daffodils, e.e.cummings

grease lightning

fridaydinners started out as a whim i think, because we needed to meet up alot before chongs leave for london to pre-empt lost time, because it was sometimes hard to agree on a single day for dinners, because we liked mosburger and ichiban a whole lot and actually didnt mind eating at those two places in a somewhat alternate fashion for almost a whole year. some other times dinner would be at su’s or mel’s, hotplates/steamboats for Specials like birthays or newyears. before i knew it i was setting aside friday evenings for dinners with the miss neuche (then known as myLovelys), and these dinners could only be skipped in occasions like birthdays or familydinners or er school events. “fridaydinner” became a reason why i couldnt meet other people for dinner, or a reason to leave meetings early. even my dad, normally slow on the receiving end of my habits, had been conditioned to assume that fridays mean late nights out catching up with su yin, melanie, jeanette and chong lin.

its like fridaydinners are the physical manifestations of our constancy. i find it sweet that we always manage to find time for fridaydinners, and they mark the end of the week, start of the weekend .. essentially All Things Good. i like that i can eat my sashimi and catch up with this most familiar bunch of people, drink mosburger imt and mope about shits which happened during the course of the week, or perch on the edge of my seat and plan the next fridaydinner place in the greediest fashion.

last night when i laid on my bed right before i drifted off to sleep my brain was filled with happy thoughts about the clarkequay field, fridaydinners (albeit it being a thursday), good food and miss neuche, but i was too tired to write it all down. now im awake, but i feel like half of what i meant to write had slipped somewhere into the fissures of my brain,

well just, im very thankful for fridaydinners, and should we stop having them one day i may take a long time to stop missing them.

work in progress

am in the midst of a room overhaul, wish me luck

im not crying, youre not crying, are you

on my way home from school the sky was pregnant with rain, or rather the threat of imminent rain, because though the floor was dry there was not rain the air was so warm so viscous with such humidity i think i couldnt even breathe properly; it felt like if you were to walk any slower it will catch up with you and swallow you whole, then spit you out in a sweaty slimy mess. i sought refuge in the shoppingcentre because  i’d forgotten how intimidating singaporean weather can be sometimes. i believe i was genuinely terrified.

in the shoppingcentre i saw a woman and her daughter having a heated argument, nothing atypical of your everyday parent-child skirmish. i wasnt paying attention because i was trying to get my mrbean set a (which tragically does not exist anymore, you can no longer get riceballs and soyabeanmilk and taohuay with the mrbean biscuit and so i was telling bert i am ripvanwinkle) but far as i could hear in my unintentional state the mother didnt know what the daughter wants to go and the daughter obviously doesnt want to follow the mother. after an exasperated “so what do you want !”, the daughter stalked off in the other direction, leaving the mother obviously astounded. at which point i felt like grabbing the Idiot Daughter and flogging her for absolute rudeness and disrespect but strangers do not discipline another’s kid so i didnt. then the mother followed the quickly disappearing trail of the daughter. by the time the mrbean aunty went behind the counter for my riceball-taohuay-soyabeanmilk awesomeness i could only see the back of the mother- a resigned, sad, sad figure from the back. a fannypack around her waist, a sleeveless green shirt, bermudas, shoulderlength hair, and did i imagine it?, sad, sad shoulders like shes perpetually heaving a sigh, she was hastening her steps and craning her neck to keep view of her Idiot Daughter im sure, because next i check, after id paid, she’d disappeared into the crowd. that left me sad for a long time; i thought of that story in the secondaryschool textbook of the father’s back at the train station.

there are many sad and angry things happening around us all the time, we are very small creatures.

i hope you see things that startle you

i hope you make the best of it, and i hope you see things that startle you
i hope you feel things you never felt before, i hope you meet people with a different point of view
i hope you live a life youre proud of; if you find that youre not, i hope you have the strength to start all over again

;the curious case of benjamin button

kabale und liebe

because ticky reminded me of the bicycle scene in the reader,

im not frightened. im not frightened of anything. the more I suffer, the more I’ll love. danger will only increase my love, it will sharpen it, it will give it spice. i’ll be the only angel you need. you will leave life even more beautiful than you entered it. heaven will take you back and look at you and say, ‘only one thing can make a soul/ complete, and that thing is love.’

;intrigue and love, friedrich schiller

p/s id been drinking so much dietcoke that if ever someones to tell me there is no such thing as zero sugar added, or no calories, i will just ram my head into the wall and die